The boss of me

There are times (and these weeks appear to be such times) when I don't feel like I am fit for running a lab at all. Usually it is because I have way too much stuff to do (teaching, grading, traveling, sitting in meetings, fighting administration) - stuff that my lab doesn't benefit from and either doesn't know goes on or thinks is taking too much of my time.

And now, the week before I take a much needed break, I finally have some time to catch up with some science for a change and I find that projects are not running smoothly, some people don't do what I thought we had agreed on, while others depend on the results and are now freaking out, which makes me freak out. On top of that, I find that I am intimidated by my own postdoc, who always has a reply to no matter what I say and who sometimes makes me feel like I am stupid and incapable. And who has too much work on their plate, and therefore not yet finished any of it, but who refuses help and support whenever I offer. I think I need to manage this more and be more strict about who does what and what data belong to whom, but I don't have the will nor the energy.

I am so freaking tired.